Meet the Muslim Wingman

It’s true. There’s a man out there who seems to have all the answers… or well, at least the answers us Muslim girls WISH Muslim guys knew.

His name is Muslim Wingman (or MWM for short.) His real name? Irrelevant.  His site? http://www.muslimwingman.com.

MWM offers advice for how to initiate interaction with someone you may be interested in. His take? A five-step process that involves everything from approaching a girl, how to generate conversation (*cough*confidence*cough*) and how to make it clear you want to be more than just friends.

Sample advice from Step 1:

“Let’s say 50 percent of them are female, and let’s say half of that portion are single, eligible Muslim women. So if you talk to a girl and you strike out, don’t worry. Because do the math, if a girl says no to you, there are around 249,999,999 other Muslim women that you could choose from.”

Sample advice from Step 2:

“If you’re trying to make her laugh, pay attention to the way she’s laughing. If she says LOL or LMAO, then she really thinks you’re funny. If she types “ haha,” (with 2 ha’s) maybe she’s just laughing to be polite. Smiley faces and other happy emoticons tend to be a good sign too but are misleading. Don’t read too much into them because some girls just use smiley faces for just about anything.”

Now, some of you reading may be laughing. But you might just find yourself reading through each of MWM’s posts, and some of you may even start taking notes.

Why? Because it’s a topic that everyone is thinking about…yet no one is talking about. And that’s exactly what inspired the MWM to launch his site.

MWM launched his site in March, and within the first three days, received 15,000 unique visitors. He now averages 250-300 thousand unique visits a month, and receives at least a dozen emails a day asking for advice. Based on numbers alone, it’s clear that marriage is on the Muslim mind.

So how did MWM start? And why does this guy think he’s an expert?

I spoke with MWM himself and asked him firsthand.

Q: Did you expect all this attention?

A: I really didn’t expect it to blow up like this. I knew I was sitting on something good, but not like this.

Q: So how did it all start?

A: As I had been traveling, I had been doing lots of hanging out with people in every community. A common complaint I hear from girls is, “There aren’t any good guys out there.” In many cases they’ve been heartbroken or cheated on, or have close friends that have been.

But then I go around meeting all these good guys and I’m like, “Why aren’t these girls seeing you?”

Q: What are the guys saying?

A: They’re just saying they don’t know how to talk to girls … So then, this situation in North Carolina got the ball rolling. I’m talking to a bunch of people and this kid comes up to me. He’s like “Man, you’ve got some game!!!!” So I said, “What are you talking about, I’m not flirting with anyone.” And he said, “But you’re just so comfortable around all these sisters! Man, how do you do that??”

So I’m like, “Do what? You treat them like human beings, that’s how you do it.”

So then I ask him, “Bro, do you got something going on? Is there a girl you like?”

He said yes, so I asked him, “Well does this girl like you back?” and he said “I think so.”

So I said, “What do you mean you think so?”

And here’s what he said: “Well, one day I was on Facebook chat and I IMed her. I said ‘Salams’ to her and she said ‘Hey Walaikum Asalam.’ Look dude, she said ‘hey’ so she must be excited to talk to me!…I’m going to ask her to step outside of the MSA meeting and I’m going to go outside too and tell her that I love her.”

(MWM, then just a normal person with no relationship advice credentials, tells him to avoid that scenario, and just tell her straight up that he is interested in getting to know her for the sake of marriage. He does. The girl, however, rejects him. Not because of approach, but because she’s too young. She introduces the North Carolina boy to her friend, and now the boy is married to said-friend).

Q: What makes you an expert?

A: I don’t like to use the word “expert,” I try to write my articles in the same way a friend would talk to his friend.

It comes from listening to all the stories from all the friends I’ve made over the years, and especially from all the countless mistakes I’ve made.

We grow up in very segregated Muslim cultures, and that’s fine I suppose, but when we come to the adult age, we are completely clueless on how to talk to the opposite gender.

Go to Islamic conferences and see how well-attended all those marriage sessions are. They tell you about the Islamic importance of marriage, and that’s great, but who tells you how to talk to the opposite gender?

Q: So what did you do?

A: I spent the past four-five months doing research, interviewed close to 120 people, and I don’t know the exact percentages, but pretty even amount of girls and guys, just asking them stuff like “What’s the best way for a guy to approach you and the worse way?”

It’s incredibly elementary, but guys are dumb and need it spelled out for them. So I did with the five-step approach and I wrote it in such a way that liberal and conservative Muslims can use it.

Q: Will you ever reveal your identity?

A: I suppose at some point, I just don’t see my identity as being relevant. I think anonymous is also better. Sometimes people feel more comfortable talking to strangers cause they wont feel like they’re being judged. Cause lets be honest, it’s embarrassing trying to ask someone for advice on this.

And here’s the thing, obviously I don’t have all the answers to everything, I don’t present my ideas as facts, so anyone is more than welcome to agree or disagree. But the problem is, nobody is talking about these issues at all.

So that’s why I teach guys how to approach women with confidence, not spit game or any greasy stuff. Approaching with confidence and respect – that’s all it is in a nutshell.

You can reach the Muslim Wingman at ask@muslimwingman.com if you have any questions, comments, concerns, etc.